Hold Tight to Walk On
by Krazy Kitsune13
Summary: SubKam gift fic for Ash. After everything is over, they have to work together to heal each other. Even the most fractured of hearts can be healed.


Gift fic for Satoshisakura on Tumblr, as part of the CLAMP Secret Sobfest. SURPIRSE~!? She asked for (gasp) cute/bittersweet/angsty/fluffy X verse SubKam fic. I decided to try them all, because I enjoy pain and suffering for some reason.

Ehehe, sorry I took so long, you're mostly to blame in the end anyway. :D

Spans across 5 years, starting just hours after the Final Battle. 10 short stories, all between 200 and 1000 words. Connected and chronological~

Sakurazukamori!Subaru is an enigma and I'm sorry if I butchered his character. Also my beta fell asleep so will probably be fixed up later.

Constructive Criticism is much enjoyed.

Beware of unintentional tense change? I'll be uploading the rest after Ive had some sleep. It turned out a lot longer than I planned..

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_PART A_

_1-5_

**1) Survived**

In the end, so few of them survived. Kamui leaned on his broken sword, bloodied and breathless, looking out over the wasteland once called Tokyo. The other survivors had moved away the less fortunate, giving time to heal and plan funerals. Fuuma was among them, to be buried beside his sister. It was his blood that stained the young Seals clothing.

"Fuuma…" It had been a tough battle, one that Kamui didn't want to linger on. All that mattered now was Heaven had triumphed and Earth had been saved to let the remaining pick up the pieces.

A hand placed softly on his shoulder caused him to turn, looking up into the mismatched eyes of the Sakurazukamori. They stayed silent, with Subaru resting his hand on Kamui in a comforting manner. At length, it was Subaru who broke the silence.

"Everyone else is inside getting their injuries treated. You should join them." Kamui looked at him, searching his face before releasing a sigh.

"Yeah…" He stood up, using the battered Shuriken as a crutch. "Yeah, okay." The taller wordlessly put an arm around the small Seals waist, helping him limp his way down to the infirmary.

Now it was time to rest, and recover.

**2) Teach**

Clamp Academy was a world-renowned place of education, equality, and most of all, the safety of its student body. The student mind, on the other hand, was completely fair game. At least that's how Kamui pictured it as he groaned at another incorrect question. Keiichi was helpful enough in class, but once classes were over and the bubbly student had left, he returned to groaning in frustration. At this rate, he might as well just drop out of school.

It was as he was bashing his head against the table in frustration that Subaru walked past. He paused, concerned for the younger male. "Is something the matter Kamui?"

"Subaru! Thank god you're here. Do you think you could help me?" The Onmyoji moved to see, looking over his shoulder. It all looked rather familiar. "What exactly do you need help with?"

Humming softly, the student tapped his pencil to a diagram of a cat. "We are doing the musculoskeletal system of animals in class for a project next week. But I can't seem to remember any the terminology." He sighed, burying his face into his hand and muttering unhappily. "Keiichi tried to help me earlier, but I just can't keep up with him."

There was a moment of silence before Subaru spoke softly, pointing to one of the blank spots. "That muscle is called the Latissimus Dorsi. Beside it is the Infraspinatus. You also have the Caudal mixed up with the Pelvis." Kamui perked forwards, scribbling in the answers with a curse. "Oh right, and then here would be the Trapezius.." He worked easily from there, filling in the remaining blanks. Finally finished, he turned to look up at Subaru.

"Thanks a bunch Subaru. How did you know..?"

The Sakurazukamori looked away, staring out the window. "I wanted to be a vet when I was young.." Kamui didn't even have to ask to know what happened, seeing a flash of sunglasses and a dangerous smile in his mind as Subaru continued. "Seishirou-san… He was nothing more than a vet when I met him, or so I thought. Sometimes he would let us stay in the clinic, let me help with the minor cases. I read the textbooks when I couldn't help.." For a moment the older man fiddled in his pocket, pulling out a pack of Mild Sevens and bringing one of the sticks to his lips. Just left it there, unlit.

"Its among of my clearest memories of that time.. Even though I've long since given up on helping anyone. Do you think that is selfish of me?"

"It's not!" He turned in surprise to see those powerful blue-violet eyes on him, expression bordering on pleading. "Just now, you helped me. You helped me through everything last year and all of the moments like this. I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit Subaru. You just.. You need someone to look after you sometimes, that's all."

For a moment Subaru just looked at him, eyebrows raised in surprised. Kamui hesitated, shifting in his seat, afraid he had crossed the line between them. So when Subaru smiled softly, he was genuinely surprised.

"Thank you Kamui.. Don't worry about me so much however." He turned, walking back out of the room. "I have a job to do now. I only came by to pick up some things. Perhaps I can see you later?"

"Yeah, you better." The smaller boy grinned uncertainly. Subaru was trying to brush him off..

But it was too late; the Sumeragi was already out the door, just a swish of black coat and cigarette smoke fading away.

**3) Forwards**

It was a warm summer two years after the Final Battle when it was decided. Kamui stood awkwardly at door to the Sumergais apartment, suitcase in hand. "Are you sure this is okay..? Imonoyama-san said I could stay with them.."

"It's fine." It wasn't like the young man really had any other options, and the Seals could only live off Imonoyama for so long. Or perhaps the superintendent had seen something between the two of them that they themselves were only just starting to grasp.

Subaru pushed open the door, nodding his head slightly to allow the younger in. It wasn't as small as some of the places he'd seen, but it was a drastic reduction to the conditions he had become use to. It was honestly a welcome relief.

He followed the other across the threshold, looking around the complex. It had a bare, barely lived in appearance. Only spare furniture and a single wall scroll for decoration. If it weren't for the lingering smell of cigarettes and the small healthy Sakura bonsai on a table by the window, Kamui would have sworn no one lived here at all. That was a little unsettling to be honest.

Subaru lead him to the spare room beside the kitchen. Oddly enough, the room was brighter than the rest of the house, with a crisply made bed, opened window and all around fresh feeling. It was odd, but not unwelcome. "Here's your room. I hope everything is to your liking."

"Um.. Thank you Subaru. It looks amazing." He smiled gratefully, setting his bag on the bed before turning around, smiling at the older man. It was good they could finally spend some time together, and work out whatever this was starting to become. For a moment, the two just looked at each other, unaware of the feeling stirring. Then Subaru smiled lightly, beckoning the younger to follow him.

"Come on, I'll show you where everything is in the kitchen. Its time to make yourself at home."

**4) Played**

"Fine then Subaru, make a bet with me!" Everything stilled, but Kamui stubbornly held his head up high as the Onmyoji turned to look at him.

"Kamui… Stop. You don't know what you're doing."

"I'm being serious. You say you can't feel anything anymore since that day, but you've taken me in and cared for me from the start! So make a bet with me! One year, to the day! And if you can still honestly say you feel nothing.." He hesitated, but continued onward, looking into the others mismatched eyes. "Then I'll leave. So you can go back to this life for him. Just please Subaru, I want to prove to you that you're not the unmovable emotionless rock you seem to think you've become!"

It had only taken a few months of living with his old friend to realize what was going on in that head of him. Subaru, as Kamui guessed, seemed to believe his heart had stopped that day on the bridge, seemed to think he no longer deserved to be loved, and that he himself was incapable of ever loving someone else ever again. But the young savior new, he could see it in those dual coloured eyes. There was still love to give, still life to cherish. He just needed to be shown.

And Kamui was determined to show him. Subaru still hadn't said anything, just watched him wearily, and mixed with surprise. Was the boy really that desperate for some sort of attention? No, was he really that certain Subaru could still possibly care and be happy after the pain Seishirou-san had put him though?

"What do you think will come of this? What could making a bet with me possibly accomplish, Kamui?" He was honestly confused. Why would the boy who had already suffered through a year of hardship and pain be so willing to bind himself into potentially another one?

Instead of answering, the smaller male took a step closer, putting a hand on Subaru's cheek. "You're not broken. If you are, then I am too. But I can still _love, _I know it because I love you. And I want you to see that its okay. You're allowed to give yourself some happiness Subaru. I don't even expect you to acknowledge my feeling." Kamui paused, stepping back and away, breaking the contact and looking to the ground.

"If there is even a small chance you can be happy, I'll take it. It's the least I can do after everything you've done for me."

Subaru pursed his lips, thinking it over. They were already living together anyways, and he already protected the Seal from harm..

"Fine. One year. I'll do everything in my power to return your feeling. In exchange I promise to always be there when you need me so I can protect you from harm. Those are the terms to the original Bet."

Something similar to hope flickered in Kamui's eyes as he looked up to see the Sumergari's face. "I'm glad." This was going to be an interesting year, he could tell.

**5) Vulnerability**

The first night it happened, he thought it was just the nightmares. Subaru had returned late from a job to find the younger man curled on the couch, white knuckled and pursed lipped, body convulsing in agony. Even in the dim light he could see telltale traces of tears on the savior's cheeks.

Knowing well the power of nightmares, the elder didn't hesitate before reaching out. He moved towards to couch silently, bending down to gently wake the smaller fighter.

"Kamui." He did hesitate to touch the slumbering man, not wanting to be harmed if Kamui did panic and use his powers. Even though he always washed off the blood before coming home, the scent would linger. It could easily be enough to trigger something, a risk Subaru did not want to take.

Kamui trembled in his dream, hissing out something that sounded like Fuuma's name. Even now, he still tired to dream of a way to save him; wishing things could have been different. It was understandable to Subaru.

Unexpectedly the boy jerked awake, breath hitching and eyes dilated. A shudder racked his body, and he seemed to almost be arching off the couch. Wild-eyed, Kamui scanned the room, reaching out to cling to Subaru's hand. "Su..Baru..?"

"Im here Kamui, it's okay. It was just a dream." The boy blinked, head flopping back onto the couch cushions. "Right.. a dream.." He could feel Subaru brush his sweat soaked bangs back, and shifted his legs uncomfortable. It was just a dream.. No one would ever be able to do that to him again. Fuuma was dead.

Subaru looked at him silently for a moment, then shifted his body, sliding his arms around Kamui's thin frame and picking him up. Naturally the boy squawked in surprise, clinging to the Onmyoji in dismay. He was rather light, which briefly made the taller male from. Time to start cooking again.

"Um.. Subaru?" Kamui squirmed uncomfortably. How could he even lift him confusing enough.. "Why are you carrying me..?"

Subaru smiled softly, "You fell asleep on the couch waiting for me and had a nightmare, didn't you? The least I could do is bring you to bed." Seishirou would have done the same during their bet, so it seemed like the correct thing to do. A cough caught his attention, and he looked down to see Kamuis face turning an interesting shade of red.

"It.. wasn't a nightmare.. not really.."

What?

_Oh. _Well that certainly made the situation awkward. Now it made sense as to why the other was squirming a certain way. Subaru could feel his own cheeks start to heat up as he looked anywhere but down at Kamui, starting to walk him to his room. There was really nothing to say to that, just to walk the short distant down the hallway with a lanky hormonal teenage in his arms.

When the came to the room, he set Kamui down gently on the bed, for a moment returning to the caring figure he had been during a time when injuries where fresh. "You should get some sleep.. Good night, Kamui."

"Subaru." The hand on his sleeve made him pause and look down at the Seals face. "Can you stay here tonight? Please?" There was no possible way to mistake what that meant, and he could see the clear hesitation in the others eyes, that lingering fear of rejection. That young boy was old enough to become a man now.

Was this within the terms of the bet? He had promised to be there when Kamui needed him. Or could there be another reason that Subaru sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling the other close.

"Okay. I'll stay."


End file.
